Eat only the red life savers. A mouthful of gummy bears. Turn your cell phone off. Smoke the last cigarette. Watch the moon. Watch the sun. Run the distance. Skip the miles. Forget diets. Remember birthdays. Wear funky underwear. Change wet socks. Read books that change you. Catch a frog. Turn the radio up. Belch like you mean it. Spit like you mean it. Say please. Smile. Life IS a candid camera. Tip for service. Not because it’s customary. Lick the salt. Swallow the tequila. Suck the lime. Make a face. And then hug those next to you. For some reason it makes a great picture.

Don’t ask for a discount on life insurance. Kiss the girl. Or the boy. Or kiss them both. See what does it for you. Dance “Mr. Roboto.” Or "Thriller". Your feet were moving beneath the table anyways, so you might as well. Have a song. Have a sport. Have a joke. Have everything that can’t be paid for. The best things in life are free. The problem is we beg to differ. Appreciate beauty. But applaud those who can stand up and say "they're real and they're spectacular!" That is one hell of a lesson in self-confidence.

Learn to tie a tie. And learn to say "tie a tie". Shave with pleasure. Sing in the shower. Win an award. Even if you have to print it out yourself. We never give ourselves credit. Make scrambled eggs. It’s OK to burn the toast. Life’s not fair. Cooking shouldn't have to be either. Celebrities exist because you want them too. Buy the magazines but don’t wish for their lives. They’d trade yours in a second if it meant not being on the cover because they failed at parallel parking. Once. Kill cockroaches but don’t count on their extinction. Love politics. Hate indifference. Sit on a public bench. Don shoes that mirror your mind.

Own a great wallet. Lock your valuables. Don’t hide the cookies. Catch a taxi. Hum an opera. Drum your fingers. Leave your message at the sound of the tone. Acknowledge shoe shiners. It is a dying profession. Don’t drink and text. Text and drink. Or rather call and drink. It shows determination. Or no unlimited texting plan in your phone package. Swing the bat. Swing it anyways. Get over high school. The bully works in advertising. The prom queen got knocked up and is a soccer mom. Life goes on. Even if your senior yearbook says otherwise.

Never apologize for flowers. They’re never too much and even the dead won't mind. Two doors in life will get you through. One that says pull and the other that says push. Update your resume. You'll laugh at how badly you used to disguise failure. Just stop tormenting yourself and eat the damn cookie. Don’t kill dreams. Those annoying underachievers are the ones who always end up writing best sellers. You’re gonna want to be in the book. Remember your first grade teacher. If only because she taught you how to spell “jelly beans.” That's a great word. Even if we absolutely loathe jelly beans.

Avoid pants without pockets. They make great havens for urban trinkets. Love the sound of the flip and the flop. It means you're going places. Be aware that the glare of your cell phone at the movies is frankly disturbing. But don’t be afraid to spill the popcorn. Concentrate. Rip the shirt off but be careful with the bra. Men don’t own favorite underwear. Apparently girls do. Mind the gap. Be wary of the yellow brick road. In the movie it lead to a cardboard matte painting. But go ahead. This was just a heads' up.

Pray. To God or Mick Jagger. One of them has the answer to happiness. You decide. In the meantime, be alert at train stations. One of these days you’ll hear the music you were waiting for. And perhaps, you’ll even smile...

Kisses Cyzy...